what i did for men (or boys)

[rackmount]

there's a meme about this somewhere.

i was thinking though that less interesting than the actual contents of what i did is the fact that i got so much more vanilla as ive gotten older. so much less willing to do anything for anyone that put me out even a little. back then (back then?) i was so interested in the world and in experience that i'd have done nearly anything just to find out what it felt like. there's something a little sad but also so nice about figuring out what really works and what doesnt at all and being completely comfortable with that.

it occurred to me that i bet many on my friends list have the same experience. you were young! you were crazy! you experimented! and now you're just happy to have a) an orgasm now and then; b) a go-to drink that isnt impressive so much as _good_; c) a job that makes you happy (did i really drop out of law school? did i really _go_ to law school? seriously?); d) a dress or suit that makes you look attractive ... not sexy or crazy or artsy or whatever, just _attractive_; etc.

part of that is marriage/kids/etc. but i think it started a good long time ago. maybe as long ago as breaking up with steve. i had that moment of why did i do all this stuff? for someone who wasnt even really worth it? seriously? what was i thinking? from now on, i only do stuff that sits easy.

in other news, J is finally getting over the plague. after a week!

Comments

[kellianne.livejournal.com]

here here.

but i'm really glad i did everything i did. it helped to define my tastes. i was laughing with buster while writing that meme last night, trying to figure out what i did to woo him. he did the same with me. it was hilarious.

[rackmount.livejournal.com]

i totally agree. and theres the added benefit of knowing that you know for sure what you like, it's not just what you're used to. at least in my opinion. i think i'd regret not having done all that stuff, if i hadnt done it.

patience is a virtue.

[refusal2comply.livejournal.com]

Now that we've experienced the wonders of the world and all the sorrows, it's time to help our little men share the same experiences we have fumbled through. It weirds me out, all the crazy chases i have been through in my life. At this pt.- it really is all about sitting easy.
I yearn for those moments of bliss.
Motherhood is crazy!
I'm tired of all the fussing
and the pumping.
can't wait til the pool opens up. ahhhhhhhhh.

Re: patience is a virtue.

[rackmount.livejournal.com]

i know one of the challenges i face is not taking away that experience for linus. i have a tendency to try to share my knowledge and be pretty judgmental about it, and that can have a dampening effect on others.

what i hope makes it easier (and what i hope i can remember) is that none of those chases ever really hurt me. they were fun, often, and at worst, just took some time to readjust back to reality.

im in a good place with linus right now, but i dont want to jinx it. i know with these things, it's easy come easy go. i am tired of sitting around as much as i have been, and can't wait to get out more.

[iscari0t.livejournal.com]

I think a major (if not the major) part of my ire at the general population sits with just how long it takes most people to get to that point. *sigh*

[rackmount.livejournal.com]

maybe so. that's an interesting way of looking at it. i dont regret having gone through all of that, i think it was fun and elucidating. but to a certain degree, it's true that such a state allows for a lot more sway from others, even if they are carefully chosen others. god, you knew me during one of my worst periods of that. :)