40

Feb. 10th, 2014 11:00 am
rackmount: (Live Free or Die)
[personal profile] rackmount
Blatant whining. sorry.

I turn 40 today. I started my day with this thought.

"It's only half over. Oh God."

Then I took out the recycling, cut down the boxes, shoveled the walk, made the lunches and got the kids ready. I took the day off cleaning yesterday, so the whole house is trashed. I can't decide if it's better to spend two or three hours cleaning it and be irritated about it, or to spend the whole day being irritated by the mess.

I did get a nice email from an adoring fan. I should have left town, which was the original plan. The hold-up of cousre is that Vday is in a few days, and then J's birthday, and I weighed the pleasantness of leaving with the guilt-trip that would follow. I'll probably go anyway in a week or two. And J's taking me out to dinner tonight. I don't even know what to say. Every time I think what I think, I shut myself down because it's a repetition of everything that's been said before, or it's hurtful or someone else will be impacted. I want to disappear. No impact at all.
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